09 Jan How to Sense Resonance (Through the Din of your Mind, the Noise of Parenting and the Chaos of Real Life)
Does this sound familiar? You’re at the grocery store, surrounded by bounteous food, trying to imagine what would be good for dinner — and you’re as frozen as the pizzas behind the glass door. The frozen pizzas you try to keep from serving every other night. Decision fatigue: it’s real. As is your fussy toddler in the basket.
In the meantime, there’s a monologue running through your brain, reminding you of everything you need to know: how to make a balanced and delicious meal, what to have the kids do so you can concentrate on sharp knives and hot pans, why it’s important to let yourself be imperfect once in awhile, how to make yourself more perfect when company comes over……..
The grocery store isn’t the only place indecision lives. It thrives in the big decisions, of course: which preschool to send your golden child to, what neighborhood to live in, how to please your mother-in-law, boss, friends, partner, neighbors, your kids’ teachers.
Decision-making is tough. We want to come from a place of knowing, of groundedness and of certainty. We can feel deep down that there is an course of action that fits like a glove but we can’t hear, feel or access it. The noise of life overpowers us, makes us feel weak and disconnected from ourselves.
There is a sweet spot where your brain meets your body and you know the answer, and it’s called fish tacos. No, wait, it’s called resonance!
Resonance is the amplification of a vibration. When something is resonating it’s in tune. When your vibe harmonizes with a vibe in another system it’s resonant. (It’s actually derived from the Latin word for echo.)
So how do we find our resonance when we need to make choices? We create space and then look for the signs of resonance.
What are these signs?
Your mind feels easy.
Your body feels calm (not agitated).
You can see, feel and taste the answer easily. (Tasting the tacos yet?)
Your heart loves it (despite the fact your BFF will hate it).
Your gut feels good. (No pit-in-the-stomach angst here.)
One of the keys to finding resonance is to create small moments to sense it, and then your mind will naturally say, “Yes, that feels AWESOME!” Then you must hold that space. Otherwise your monkey-mind brain will begin to run the gamut of what-ifs over and over again.
For example, you may decide on a Montessori preschool because you instantly click with the staff, the classroom feels so sweet, and you enjoy a calm exhale of tension. Then you think, “My mother-in-law will hate the lack of spontaneity.” Or, “All the other kids are going to Waldorf.” These insidious outside thoughts interfere with resonance.
And they make us agitated, upset, confused and weary in our hearts. (See the contrast?)
You had an easy mind, and you dropped it. You were feeling calm, but you let in overthinking and it scared the resonance away. Your senses can’t even communicate with your conscious mind because you’re denying what your heart tells you. Just let your gut return to feeling good and you’ll be able to return to resonance.
Geek alert: In physics the definition of resonance states that resonance creates an unusually higher than expected state of stability. How cool it that? Isn’t that just what you’ve been looking for? I love me some stability!
Making resonant decisions will make your life more stable. We all have real life example of decisions that weren’t resonant and can recall how unstable things got. Remember when you agreed to invite your teetotalling auntie to the champagne baby shower and things got ugly? (You knew not to invite her….)
The world of opinions, ideas and influence can shake our core and will keep us disconnected. Yes, we need those elements, but not all the time. Allowing yourself to slow down and get in touch with what resonates is going to give you clarity (in less time than it takes to make a pro-con list).
Use this simple question in your life (whether it’s about what’s for dinner or whether to invest in a math tutor): Does this resonate?
Feel the feels for your answer. Resonance is an inside job.
When have you found resonance in your life? Let me know in the comments below.