02 Dec Why Being a Bad Mom Is Good
Have you ever missed the deadline to register your child for a sports team?
Or forgotten to bake cookies for the fall party at school?
Or didn’t notice Pioneer Day at school on the calendar and woke up to your child asking about their costume for the day?
Or ruined your kid’s favorite stuffie in the wash?
Or yelled at your kid because you were just tired and annoyed and your child was acting tired and annoyed?
Or…. You fill in the blank. Now, I’m not trying to evoke all those epic fails you have suffered in motherhood.
But I am reminding you of how imperfect it all is.
In our Instagram-perfect world, it seems like everyone else’s kid has a handcrafted creative costume, easy baby days and photo-shoot worthy breakfasts. But we all know it’s smoke and mirrors. And the smoke is from the toaster waffles you burnt this morning.
Making mistakes and actively discussing and demonstrating how you recover is one of the most important gifts you can give your child.
And, bad mom, look what you get to teach:
- Apologizing for yelling at your child teaches them to take responsibility and heal their relationships when they’ve hurt someone’s feelings or lashed out.
- Pivoting and having your child wear a last-minute flannel and jeans and tucking weeds in their back pocket for Pioneer Day demonstrates flexibility and creativity.
- Letting your child watch you call the coach, and admit you missed a deadline and inquire about next steps, shows your child how to be an adult in a sticky situation.
- Buying cookies at the store on the way to school shows your kid you aren’t perfect and there are solutions all around us. (In fact, my son once asked for store bought cookies ’cause he had some at school that he preferred!)
- Letting your child be upset and being with them as they process the sadness of the loss of Fuzzy Bunny shows them how to help someone when they feel bad.
Having kids taught me how to make my decisions and processes visible so my kids could learn new behaviors and ways to solve problems, support others and be decent human beings.
How we handle the sticky situations in life is more valuable than toiling away for days to create the “perfect” costume (just let go of the Insta oohs and ahhs).
In fact, I think the biggest mistake we can make as parents is hiding our faults, errors and mistakes and how we get through them.
It’s teaching how to navigate the stressors of life that equips our kids to rock being an adult.
Essentially, raising kids imperfectly allows us to perfectly show up.